a (pretty big) announcement by the Azure-Winged Magpie (a.k.a. the Extinction Entity).
Guess what time of year it is everyone?! That’s right! It’s time for the Annual Oscine Awards! We had a great time writing out the awards last year and this year’s awards are going to be even BIGGER and BETTER! I’ve been trying to get hold of the Cap’n to spill the beans on who’s “hosting” and who’s deciding who wins what. But I haven’t really gotten anything yet since he’s gone and disappeared on everyone (again). Part four of that Death Stranding review is still “cOmInG” and even though he’s gotten around to Picard, this disappearing act is gettin’ a bit ol’. It’s almost like he wants to get beaten up or something…
JK he’s prolly just busy. But I’ll beat him up anyways.
But anyway! We held the Oscine Awards on the fourth of Feb last year and even though we don’t usually get comments or such on the blog… holy [BLEEP] did a lot of people come and take a look! And that’s what’s got me worried. I was out sick last year, the Cap’n was off doing his own thing. We didn’t even really review a lot of what came out last year. I don’t know how many films from last year the Crow even got around to watching. So… how’s it that the coveted 2020 Oscines ceremony’s going to be all BIGGER and BETTER?! There isnt even a blog post drafted for the awards yet! So… uh… when‘s this thing happening exactly?!
Let me see if I can find somone from the awards team somewhere…
Oh RIGHT! That’s ME!
Now before I start getting all technical and everything, don’t none of you ask me what the bar’s going to be like. I don’t drink any more and I don’t want to hear about anyone else drinking, you hear?! … What was that? “Will there be free cheesy bites and things?” I guess so. You’re sure to find a local pizza place that does nice cheesy bites around you. Heck, they might have an offer for which you could get them for “free”.
Now! Onto the awards!
THE OSCINE AWARDS
CHANGES TO THE OSCINE AWARDS FOR 2020:
We’re going to be shuffling a few categories around this year. And that’s partly because we missed a few things from 2019. The BIG miss was the first Oscine Award to ever get (er…) awarded, which was for Best Documentary. We haven’t been keeping up to date with what all the cool kids are watching, so we’re going to be skipping that category this year. We might also be skipping the category for Best New TV Programme if we can’t hit our minimum number of nominations by Friday, but for now it’s still on the list.
We’ve also decided to chuck in a few new categories for things which came out in 2019, like an award for the Best Original Videogame, and possibly one for Best Music Album (which we’re never going to agree on notminations for lol). But while those are cool and all, it’s these next few awards that I want to talk about!
Right! Now we all know this is a special year Just look at all the disasters January’s brought us! The kerfuffle in the Middle East, that Orangutan on Twitter who’s rigging the courts of a whole country and his lost-lost brother Borisjack Horseman… Volcanos! Earthquakes! Coronavirus! Racism! Nazism! Pollution! And SO much more! Holy heck we’re milking all we can out of January. Couldn’t be more excited for February after this opening act! But y’know what? There’s something else we could talk about…
CELEBRATING A DECADE OF ENTERTAINMENT:
Don’t you think we’ll only be celebrating the good-best either! I’ll be keeping most of the categories hush-hush for now, but I’m pretty sure you can guess what they’ll be. Expect the best of the bests and the best of the worsts and the worst of the worsts. We’re fair birds. We don’t mince feathers. Expect to actually see a director’s award when we get around to celebrating the decade!
And! And! And! We’re only two years in and I’ve already got a minimum of two turkeys to award on the same night! But I won’t tell you any more just yet! You’ll have to wait for your big reward 😀
Here are a few of the planned awards that I can reveal (since you’ve already got these all figured out) right now:
- Best Picture of the Decade
- Best Individual Performers of the Decade
- Best Franchise of the Decade
- Best Science Fiction Picture of the Decade (etc.)
Anyway! You can see we’ve got a LOT of films to cover and a LOT of fights to get into, so let me just show you who’s going to be taking part in the fights and leave you with the date.
THE VOTING COMMITTEE:
Aaand now, for the date! Put it down on your calendars folks!
This is going to be a really fun ride!
THE 2nd ANNUAL OSCINE AWARDS
will be held on
FRIDAY THE 7th OF FEBRUARY, 2020
We’ll see y’all at the party! Until then… Live Long and Prosper!
— Azure-Winged Magpie up! Up! And Awayyy! *BONK!*