Team Update: The state of affairs, a reformed Azure-Winged Magpie, and about our former crew members [2017]

a Team Update by the Azure-Winged Magpie.

Things are about to get stupid!

Okay, so everyone knows I play a …”colourful character” on this here blog. And I’ll be easing up on it a bit, as well as stopping posting team updates so often, since I’ve come around to the idea that I’ve been a bit Over The Top.

While I’ll still be staying true to my chattery Magpie roots, I’ll be dropping a few of my ‘signature moves’ since they’re hard to keep up without sounding like a complete idiot (in other words: I forgive commas for their ancient mistake of killing an Azure-Winged Magpie).

And to address the whole being OTT with the team updates, I’m going to do all of the next week’s updates right here, right now!


I’m in charge of this and all, you know? I was appointed by… myself.



Even though it’s all only got weirder, I’m pretty sure I’m I’m a better drawer than before.

(◔◡◔) …I am! I am!

I AM (ಠ o ಠ)!

So… It’s been the Crow’s birthday some days ago, and our new shiny Brown-Necked Raven’s birthday just yesterday (the 22nd, it were!). So… let’s all get together and go:


And isn’t it just adorable that both our dopey old gits are born just a few days apart?!


Let’s all wish them cake, kisses, and hundreds of fat children! lol, as if!
…well, okay; I hear the Brown-Necked Raven has a bae he’s planning to get hitched to, soon. So… ICANHAZABRIDESMAIDSCOSTUME?! I won’t get drunk and disorderly, promise!hic!

But yeah… let’s all wish them both a happy birthday and all that sort of shit. They’re old people. We’re not! So… why not give them some teensy bit of happiness in their old age?!



Right… Breaking away from all that (with hugs and kisses!), let me get one thing out of the way:

See, the Crow’s a bit of weakling (sometimes, anyway…) when it comes to people. And sometimes, he needs a bit of true evil to make sure he gets the job done.

This next topic is something that gets me pissed, and has pissed me off ever since I stepped in here, so there might be some Magpie-lingo (swearing) chucked around. It’s a bit irrational, sure. But it’s something I need to get out of the way.

Our so-called ‘co-founder’ ain’t never done showed up here for months. And she’s gone and said this about us on her cute little personal blog:

In depth reviews pertaining to the arts, literature, culture and cinema.

Writers are professionals in their respective backgrounds and post a fresh review every week.

(ಠ ‿ ಠ) Oh… we got a fight! WE GOT A FIGHT!

AHEM… I was only called in to cover a certain writer” who didn’t do her job. This isn’t rocket science. We’re not some huge big company or some shit. We’re reviewers who do these things in our spare time.


Going by what I gather from the Crow, and what I’ve myself seen… Yeah. To claim she’s a co-founder and has this as one of her ‘companies’ is fucking stupid as rocks. She only did four posts in 7 months?! Or is it eight?!

I don’t really care apart from her claiming that we’re one of her ‘businesses’ or whatever. She left the Crow out to dry for way too long, which is when he asked me to jump on-board. And unlike what I’ve heard of her, we have actual fucking jobs (every single one of us), and don’t fake it until we make it like it seems she does (seriously? We’re a ‘business’?! No one told me! Where’s my fucking money at?).

So, the Crow tells me she considers The Corvid Review her ‘baby’. If she’s the mum of this blog, she’s a bad fucking mum. In that case, I’m the step-mum who’s picking up after her mess.

She even broke the great big rule. We’re meant to be anonymous (for good reason — both of us, and the Brown-Necked Raven agrees, far as I know — since we don’t want to send folks screaming away when they find out who we REALLY are), and this bitch’s compromised all of us by advertising herself on her fucking TCR profile (with URLs and all). We could ALL do that. But why don’t we?

Because that’s the core fucking idea behind this blog, which that fake-Raven asshat didn’t (and doesn’t) seem to understand. What’s the point in making an anon email (the Crow’s first rule for jumping into the blog) and linking it to EVERYTHING YOU’RE CONNECTED TO?! I mean… wtf is this shit?! NPD?

the Crow and the Azure-Winged Magpie

I’m going to punch the Crow in the face for letting her get away with this. We’re private people. And she’s just gone and connected us before HALF OF US EVEN STEPPED IN. And this mo-[REDACTED]-ing idiot let her GET AWAY WITH IT!

We LIKE.BEING.ALONE. Did she not get the memo everyone else’s heard?! (The Honey-glazed Chicken Wings is exempt from this since she came over from her own blog to give us an assist.)

As the official ‘Number One’… I want to get rid of her (and I mean get rid of everything to do with her on this blog: all affiliations, all posts, everything) because the Crow won’t do it. It’s the job of every first officer to fix their captain’s errors. I won’t right now, but I want to. And if the Crow complains…

(X‾X)  … … *POW!*  ᕕ(◔◡◔)

…that’s what he gets.

Fuck this shit. I’m sick and tired of it. The Raven isn’t MIA or AWOL any more. If I’d have my say: she’d have been executed by firing squad long ago. And if the Crow dares say even a single word… IMMA FIGHT HIS FUCKING ASS! AND I’LL FUCKING BEAT HIM TO A PULP!

Okay… breather-time!


Okay… I’m better now. Let’s just move on…



Whoa… I had a forehead vein and all (I think!).

We just had Gojiramonth. While we haven’t covered all the films we’d like to (Biollante…! no!), we’re going to call it a month with this theme. Maybe, some other time, we’ll jump into His Nuclear Scaliness God-King Gojira his Holy King of the Monsters’ films once again.

And in case you didn’t know!

For you horror enthusiasts out there, Reddit’s awesome /r/horrorreviewed subreddit has a contest going on for a few blu-rays. It closes in a few days, so if you want to share your reviews… go for it! Submit! Submit! Submit!

And by the way, we probably won’t be making any more posts for in time for the deadline… so you lot are safe from EPIC competition. Go and submit away!

And in a few days… we might have something similar coming up. But more on that in next week’s team update. In the meantime, I’ll leave you lovely lot with this VERY SUBTLE CLUE about our next post:


Yep… we’re gonna go there. And we’re just getting started. And we’re bringing all our new toys with us. And on that note… OH! OH! OH! We’re playing P.T. soon! Expect some VERY ruffled feathers.


Forgive the shitty rant, but I can’t let someone claim this blog as their own (without having done a single ounce of work) and as a ‘business’ like it’s some sort of feather in their cap. The Crow just lets people walk all over him sometimes.

And now that I’m the other half of this blog’s noggin… I feel like I need to stick up and cover the spots he won’t. What kind of Number One would I be otherwise?

Anyway… fuck that noise.

Let’s all be happy and wish a happy birthday to our two dopey idiots again!

You lot take care! We love you all!

Love you lot loads, and thanks for reading!


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